blink. open your eyes.

I am getting repetitive, but today I decided I should type about something worthwhile. Up until now, most of my posts have consisted of fashion topics or music. These two topics are very much define who I am, but it gets boring after a while, right? (Actually, not for me, but maybe for you.)

Sentimental Deep.

In many ways, I am an extremely sentimental person. I am constantly on-guard because I don’t want to hurt my friends or family. Every single moment that I spend with every one, I remember and cherish. This is stupid, but I feel embarrassed when I am so… clingy. Clingy to these memories that the opposite person might take as a grain of sand. However, I am constantly telling myself that “You only live one life.” I know I do not always make the best of everything, but I do try to emphasize every single moment. When I share a personal moment with someone, I feel special. It’s like a secret; only you and that other person knows it. I like being V.I.P., I guess you could word it.

On the other hand, I could be really cold-hearted as well. I don’t show this side to others often, because it’s very harsh. This is the absolute side of my ego complex. I think life would be far less stressful if I was always so cold-hearted and egoistic, but that’s not how society works. I guess, there are people who do act like this, and they are either idolized or ignored. Humans are a very fickle-hearted species, and our emotions are unpredictable at times. So I’d rather not gamble with the idea of being cold-hearted and selfless.

At some point though, I do get tired of being caring, helpful, fluffy, happy, joyful, etc. It is tiring, no matter how much one says that “The grass is greener on the other side.” It gets annoying and tiring to care for someone, and in some cases, not get anything back. Of course, the joy of caring is to know you’re helping someone, but being me, I can only handle it to a certain extent.

I am in a constant battle with myself when it comes to items. Materials. The things I receive from people. Sometimes, they are special items that I know to keep.. but honestly, there are some things that count as junk. Things that do not have a use other than to collect dust. My personality: I am very OCD when it comes to simplicity. Every so often, I would do a full clear out of my closet because I hate seeing clutter. The clothing that I have not even worn, goes to donation. I find it easy to clear out items like clothing.. but items such as souvenirs, or display objects are the worst. Once in a while, I get a …

Okay, I’ll be completely honest and materialistic here:

-continued-

I get a horrible souvenir. I don’t know how to describe it. I hate objects on display.. I’d rather just have an empty shelf. For example, I got a glass figurine. I loved it at first because the details were etched so accurately, but soon after, I realized there was no use to it. I wouldn’t even glance at it because its very occupation on my desk annoyed me. Sometimes, I would move it different places thinking ‘Maybe it’ll look better here’, but in the end, I just end up annoyed. The part that annoys me even more is myself. My inability to throw out things with even the least bit of sentimental value. If I know that the gift was just an “offer”, like in a give-and-take relationship, I wouldn’t care. But if someone gave me something that they were so eager to present me with, or had the slightest feeling put into it, THEN I find it really hard to throw away.

So, I think I’ll end it here. The reason why I brought this up is because I am dreading my clean-up day this weekend. Although I could just leave everything the way it is, again, my OCD demands that I clear everything I don’t need for a further spotless area. Anyone else have this …battle?