You can still find me on tumblr!

There I go, rambling on again.

The pros of me writing spontaneously is that I end up with a good outcome, reasonable mark, and satisfaction. The cons would be the timing of the spontaneity itself. I take a risk every time I rely on my unconscious section of my brain for spontaneity, because it holds a 50% chance I will spit out something “genius”. Occasionally, the ideas will just flow out of me like a river would connect to a lake (bad analogy). On other days, I might not even get a single word written. Which is not preferable, because in waiting for a spontaneous sprout of idea process, it would involve procrastination. And as I mentioned, it is a 50% chance that I will or will not make a good writing.

I was walking up the street and saw one van was trying to parallel park. Then I heard a *thunk* as I was coming up. I looked at the van to see if they would need any help, but they continued trying to park, and I was in a rush, so I walked off. I went a little ahead, but I heard the same *thunk* sound several times..

You’re probably scolding me off in your head now, right? Lol. I am horrible when it comes to reporting/fessing up, etc. I do not have the guts to do it and would just like to live my life our peacefully. I know I would be a pissed driver if I came back and there were scratches all over my car.. but what can you do?

I have never felt so betrayed in my life. The feeling is just so intense, that I might as well call it being ‘backstabbed’. I feel like a druggie that just can’t stop. Every time I walk into rehab and stay sober for a little while, I come out and end up doing the same thing again. The feeling is addicting, and every time I get hurt all over again.

This is off-topic, but I finally found out how to make a “Read More” section in a post! I’m still not very use to the functions on WordPress, so all I can entertain myself with is Bold, Italics, etc. So “Read More” cuts also mean my entries will look less boring! Yay! I know I tend to type a lot of tl;dr content, so hopefully the appeal of my blog will change for the better.

Back on topic.. Betrayed and Backstabbed:

I have a friend.. who I would claim to be my best friend, but now, I do not really know. I am not the greatest person when it comes to relationships or friendships, but I do try my best to maintain a healthy one. I will refer to my best friend as “Melody”.

In my group of peers, I would say Melody is my best friend, because literally, she is the best of all my friends. We understand each other, we can talk at ease, Melody brings out a lot of my real qualities, and Melody makes me happy as a friend. I always tell myself that I should be thankful that there is even a friend like her who exists. However, over the past year, I can see that Melody has changed. I have to admit that her changes have been for the benefit of her, but it is opposite of me. I try to pay all the attention I can to her, and listen to every thing she tells me and try to give her the best advice. Somehow, it never seems to be enough. Suddenly, I feel so disregarded because on some days she would not even acknowledge my presence. Because of this, I was hurt. I told myself I might as well become that cold-hearted bitch that was in my all along.

The way she treats me is on-and-off. One day she would hang out with my like nothing happened and we were the very best friends, and the next, I would not even see her. I understand that every one has their own right to act and feel however they wish, but it would at least be nice if she could show a little sympathy. I would understand if we were not close friends to start with, but this is actually years of friendship that we have shared.

There have been a few times when I would see her true motives, but I won’t go into any detail.

I am getting repetitive, but today I decided I should type about something worthwhile. Up until now, most of my posts have consisted of fashion topics or music. These two topics are very much define who I am, but it gets boring after a while, right? (Actually, not for me, but maybe for you.)

Sentimental Deep.

In many ways, I am an extremely sentimental person. I am constantly on-guard because I don’t want to hurt my friends or family. Every single moment that I spend with every one, I remember and cherish. This is stupid, but I feel embarrassed when I am so… clingy. Clingy to these memories that the opposite person might take as a grain of sand. However, I am constantly telling myself that “You only live one life.” I know I do not always make the best of everything, but I do try to emphasize every single moment. When I share a personal moment with someone, I feel special. It’s like a secret; only you and that other person knows it. I like being V.I.P., I guess you could word it.

On the other hand, I could be really cold-hearted as well. I don’t show this side to others often, because it’s very harsh. This is the absolute side of my ego complex. I think life would be far less stressful if I was always so cold-hearted and egoistic, but that’s not how society works. I guess, there are people who do act like this, and they are either idolized or ignored. Humans are a very fickle-hearted species, and our emotions are unpredictable at times. So I’d rather not gamble with the idea of being cold-hearted and selfless.

At some point though, I do get tired of being caring, helpful, fluffy, happy, joyful, etc. It is tiring, no matter how much one says that “The grass is greener on the other side.” It gets annoying and tiring to care for someone, and in some cases, not get anything back. Of course, the joy of caring is to know you’re helping someone, but being me, I can only handle it to a certain extent.

I am in a constant battle with myself when it comes to items. Materials. The things I receive from people. Sometimes, they are special items that I know to keep.. but honestly, there are some things that count as junk. Things that do not have a use other than to collect dust. My personality: I am very OCD when it comes to simplicity. Every so often, I would do a full clear out of my closet because I hate seeing clutter. The clothing that I have not even worn, goes to donation. I find it easy to clear out items like clothing.. but items such as souvenirs, or display objects are the worst. Once in a while, I get a …

Okay, I’ll be completely honest and materialistic here:

-continued-

I get a horrible souvenir. I don’t know how to describe it. I hate objects on display.. I’d rather just have an empty shelf. For example, I got a glass figurine. I loved it at first because the details were etched so accurately, but soon after, I realized there was no use to it. I wouldn’t even glance at it because its very occupation on my desk annoyed me. Sometimes, I would move it different places thinking ‘Maybe it’ll look better here’, but in the end, I just end up annoyed. The part that annoys me even more is myself. My inability to throw out things with even the least bit of sentimental value. If I know that the gift was just an “offer”, like in a give-and-take relationship, I wouldn’t care. But if someone gave me something that they were so eager to present me with, or had the slightest feeling put into it, THEN I find it really hard to throw away.

So, I think I’ll end it here. The reason why I brought this up is because I am dreading my clean-up day this weekend. Although I could just leave everything the way it is, again, my OCD demands that I clear everything I don’t need for a further spotless area. Anyone else have this …battle?

I am sorry I haven’t updated in a gabillion years. My life has become uneventful. My social life is practically school. I don’t even remember when I transitioned into this state, but I guess it wasn’t much of a big move, if I hadn’t noticed anyway.

I haven’t been able to update on Kpop, or my fandoms, so here’s just a little..spam.

2NE1 – Try to Follow Me

• At first, I wasn’t loving this song, but it really grew on me. The MV is colourful is all their MVs usually are, and I really enjoy just watching it.

2AM – I Was Wrong

• 2AM is on a rolllllll~ The boys are looking good, and their voices are powerful as ever. I laughed a bit because @1:15, Seulong’s surprised expression, but nonetheless he looks good.

T-Ara – I Go Crazy Because of You

• This is a performance by T-Ara, and although their voices are somewhat overwhelmed, I quite like the song. This is a little off topic, but Boram is seriously so tiny! Somehow this concept of T-Ara emphasizes their height, and I can tell Eunjung (short hair) is really tall.

And that is all. I am sorry to bore you with Youtube vids, but that’s all I can do for now. I haven’t thought of shopping for such a long time, so I don’t have anything in mind.

Obligatory post time!!! I am sorry that I feel the need to post about an issue that has probably been discussed over and over again, but because the timing is still fresh, I will leave my 2 cents as always.

For those of you who don`t know about the Jaebum fiasco..well, google it because I`m lazy to link to my old post.

So it has finally been announced that Jaebum is not returning, and his contract has been terminated. In some ways, I am glad he does not have to pay for the consequences of a terminated contract..or at least, what I perceive in the public. However, the aftermath of this whole issue is getting out of hand, I think. The fact that there are some accusations towards the 2PM members is outrageous. I do not think either party (Jaebum/2PM members) deserve to have fingers pointed at. The worst part is that it seems as though the two are split into two sides. Jaebum will always be remembered as a great leader for 2PM, and I am sure that the members will remember him as well. (Sorry, I sound like someone died, God forbid this happens.).

In this whole process, everyone is getting hurt along the way; Jaebum, 2PM, the fans..anyone else it may concern, I guess. I would not want 2PM to have to discontinue activities because of this. I am hurt that Jaebum had to give up his dreams in a matter of four days. Four years that he trained for, four days since the news erupted and he left, and six months since the announcement of his termination. I would really, really hate for anything else to occur.

But anyways, that’s all I have to say about it. Everything’s done, and the question whether he would return in 2PM or not is answered.

minus the mickey mouse

or even as simple as this:

I find that these simple colourless shoes go well with washed-out jeans, which are what I want. And I think a while ago, I told myself that I was off the shopping-diet. I haven’t bought anything since then, because there’s just no time to squeeze in shopping. And it scares me.

The reason for this lack of time, are the Olympics! I am not a big sports fan, but I just loved watching the speed skating, and ice skating games recently. My whole family have been watching Olympics this week, and I find it as a time to bond. I am a baby when it comes to growing up, so spending time with my family in the littlest bit made me happy.

Happy Lunar New Years too!

Umm, I haven’t posted in a week but I really do not know what to write about. Nothing eventful has happened to me that’s quite worthy to blog about. On the other hands, the weather has spontaneously been treating the winter Olympics well. I was thinking there would be a “spring” winter Olympics this year because of the lack of snow. Miracles happen.

Today, I sort of revived my tumblr because it’s been a while, and my friends still use it. It’s nothing new actually. But feel free to follow me nonetheless. I’ll be posting here and there once in a while to make it more livelier.

Edit//

Mouse Path 2/6/10

I had to re-size the picture because it was really big. Everything looks squished together, but if you click on it, the image will enlarge and you get to see my mouse path from yesterday in all its glory!

-Ahem-

As you can observe from the mouse path, my main activities revolve towards the bottom center. I’m not very sure what was happening at that time, but that is apparently my most clicked area. I really had random clicks all over the place, which makes me want to see what exactly I did yesterday.

I’m doing another Mouse Path right at the moment, but I’ll try not to do it too many times or my posts will just get boring.